Steve Simms

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Instructions on Consumer Goods

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On Sears hair dryer:
Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.

Some Swanson frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost

On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head

On Tesco’s Tiramisy dessert:
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.

On packaging for a Rowenta Iron:
Do not iron clothes on body

On Boot’s Children;s Cough Medicine Do not drive car or perate machinery.

On Nytol (a sleep aid):
Warning: may cause drowsiness

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children.

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.

On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.

On Sainsbury’s Peanuts Warning: contains nuts

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

On a Swedish chain saw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

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If you think of his professional web sites as his office and workplace, this is where he hangs out in the evenings, chats about what happened during the day, and explores some hobbies.

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