Deef's Net

This is another in an occasional series of commentaries on various companies’ attempts to get me to give up the security of paper statements so that they can save money on postage and printing.

First it was the ability to hide your Christmas purchases from your spouse (who presumably doesn’t have your password to look at online statements, but would pore over your credit card statement if it came in the mail, looking for that one Amazon.com purchase that stood out).

Then they offered to plant a tree, which would make you feel better about all those poor, defenseless trees you killed by not switching to paperless statements earlier.

Then, shock of shocks, they offered a $5 statement credit (just once, I checked) if you switched to paperless statements. They clearly weren’t looking at my monthly totals when they came up with that offer.

But now, they’re really raising the stakes. If you switch to paperless statements by such and such a date, you’ll be entered to win one of three MINI Cooper cars, 3 outdoor adventures, 5 kitchen appliances, 10 bicycles, and 100 gift certificates for $100 to a store I’ve never heard of.

“It’s Time to Go Paperless. It’s the smart thing to do.”

Assuming I never get audited, or have a dispute over a bill. Until I’m offered a satisfactory solution for what would happen if the bank were to go out of business tomorrow, and six years down the road I have to produce a statement for the IRS, I’m not interested.

I’d also like to see some admission that they’re doing this solely out of their own interests, rather than making up excuses (or lying outright) about it being better for me. This one comes close (why else would they be spending all this money on prizes if they didn’t stand to gain a lot more?), but no cigar yet.

(Also, regarding the whole “smart” thing. This is also the bank that sends me an E-Mail every month telling me about how great it would be if I paid my bill online, apparently without noticing that I do.)